TT time

The season has officially started. It is now time to throw down what you got, and make sure everybody knows how hard core you are. Check out the local TT blogs.

For the dirty mountain bikers:
Dry Canyon Loop
http://drylooptt.blogspot.com/2009/11/dry-loop-time-trial.html

Or for the refined roadies:
Squaw Peak Hill Climb
http://squawpeak-tt.blogspot.com/

Magical Trails

So this weekend I was out riding my bike. (I know, imagine that)
As I rode I discovered these sweet new switch backs above the Bonneville Shoreline trail north of Dry Canyon. They were quite fun. As I rode I noticed something rather odd:

Alongside the trail there were several magical elves with tiny hoes, shovels, and picks working on the trail!

I'll admit, I was a little weirded out at first. I mean when's the last time anybody even saw a real live elf, other than on the package of those sweet little EL Fudge Keebler Elf cookies? (And those are merely an artist's depiction of how they might look)

So yeah, it was weird. After a while I even noticed they were repairing the trail behind me, filling in skid marks and brake ruts left behind by my careless riding style. I was absolutely amazed. When I finished the little loop I decided to find out a little more.

Fortunately, for my arts and letters credit at the Brigham Young Institute of College Education and Higher Learning and Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too I took an Elf language class.

(Elves don't speak English. So if you wanted to, I don't know, prosecute one for illegally building trails, you'd need to find a certified translator. And most of them are Obama supporting democrats.)

So I asked one what they were doing. He said "Building sweet trails so everybody can come enjoy this beautiful scenery while getting healthy exercise"

I was amazed at his answer. He continued, "Rising obesity is costing our country $344 Billion a year in health care related costs. If everyone in Utah county would just ride our trails once a day, they would burn 500 calories. They would lose a pound of fat a week, 50 in a year!"

I was dumbfounded. I then asked if they had a building permit to be digging up the grass, tearing down all the weeds and brush, and basically destroying an entire ecosystem of life. He said that no, they did not, but that some poor guy named Benny was getting all the wrap from the feds for building the trails.

I got mad and squashed him with my foot. His magical little hat and tiny little hoe are still stuck between the cleats on my Sidis. Little boogers.

Sandbagger in Sea Otter

I saw a sandbagger with a blue niner in his hand

Walking through the streets of Montery

He was looking for a place on the podium, gonna score some sweet swag and a medal

Aahoo, sandbagger in Cali

So I wrote my own verse to Werewolves of London. Maybe more to come. Depends on how much of a distraction I need from doing actual productive work later.

Basically my new middle name is Sandbagger. In case you wanted to know

AND I totally got some sweet kiss on the cheek action from the podium girl....talk about an awesome weekend

Finals Week

Oh, sorry, I would write about how rough finals week is going to be, but I don't have any.
Maybe I can take up some box gardening....

The Fates take a poop on Fast Dan

I am not a huge believer in fate. I like to believe that we shape our own destinies. (Or "densities" as George McFly would have us believe) However, I am thoroughly convinced that the 3 old ladies from Greek mythology that sit around and decide our fate had it in for me today.

First off, its March. The first day of spring has already happened. There have been days where the temperature only drops below 50 around midnight. So when I got up this morning and saw the temperature wasn't supposed to get above 40, I was a little dismayed. But only a little.

As I dressed up to ride I put on long tights and a jacket, thinking they'd be coming off as I climbed. The truth is I couldn't even feel my toes, hands, nose, or brain until the first climb. Fates 1, Fast Dan 0.

As I got to the Shoreline trail the sun started to come out. Started. But never really finished coming out. Totally psyched me out. Fates 2. Fast Dan 0.

As I got down to Springville and headed up the climb along Slide Canyon, the sun finally decided to come all the way out. And get warm. Very warm. Perfect for a long steep climb. By the time I got the top I was drenched with sweat. As I started down the descent the sun conveniently snuck back behind a cloud, resulting in a 50 degree drop in temperature, sucking all the fun out of the descent. Fates 3, Fast Dan 0.

About half way down the canyon I started feeling some stiff bumps in the rear. Sure enough the rear tire had gone flat. Not just a goat head or nail, but a nice tear in the sidewall. Of course it was too big and too much on the side for the Stan's to seal it up. So I pulled my spare tube out, patched up the torn sidewall and inflated the new tube. Sure enough, my spare tube had a huge hole in it. Total deucer for the fates; putting the running total at Fates 5, Fast Dan 0.

As I started walking down the canyon, my hands were too cold to even operate my phone. So I walked. And walked. Much like the Utah pioneers of old, except I did NOT sing as I walked and walked and walked. Just rocked out a little to Motley Crue. The pioneers would have definitely appreciated a little light rock. Fates 6, Fast Dan 0

After warming up a bit, Mark Johansen (I figure if he's gonna be a good enough friend to pick me up in the middle of the day I might as well spell his name right) answered my phone call and came to pick me up. He took me to the shop so I could fix my tire.

After fixing the tire I decided to try Provo canyon trails. As I got to the race course it looked like the sun was about to come out again. Psyche. After promptly hiding behind some dark mean looking clouds it began to snow. Then hail. Then snow. Then big hail. Then bigger snow. I just kept riding. I came to the conclusion that the Fates were now in full force, attempting to take the Fast out of Fast Dan, and I couldn't let that happen. So I kept on riding. Faster than ever. However the score continued to favor my opponents, Fates 7, Fast Dan 0.

The turning point finally came at about 4:00, as I rounded the top of Upper Frank and saw the altar. I hadn't seen it since early December. Three months was a long time. I got a little choked up. I had almost cried the day the big snow happened that sealed off the upper trails for an entire winter. It was like saying goodbye to a friend. And now he was back. The same tears that tickled my corneas 3 months ago were right there to welcome it all back. It was like NBA Jam, Tournament Edition, where you had those rad "Hot Spots" where shots were worth like 9 points. Basically seeing the view of Utah county from the altar was like being on fire and slam dunking from a half-court hot spot. Fates 7, Fast Dan 9. Take that old ladies. Bombing down Betty made the entire day worth it. Life is good.

Just a picture

I stole this from Miles. I like it.

"Somebody has a case of the Mondays"

-Note: The first person to name what movie that line is from, they *win a free (slightly used) Racer's Cycle Service water bottle and a mountain bike ride with me: The Phast Dan

-* I'm attempting to boost my number of readers and overall popularity by giving out free stuff. I hear it works well

So its Monday.

I normally don't have to be to work until 1:00 pm. So I normally don't even get out of bed until around noon. I know, rough life, huh? However, today (not so normally) I decided to be productive.

I got up at 7, showered, watched my roommates eat breakfast (I've decided that I'm not going to eat until April. I'm kind of giving up food for Lent. After watching 5'10", 120lb cyclists blow by me this weekend, I've decided that at 165lbs, I'm about 65lbs overweight. Chicks dig skinny guys, right? Maybe I'll start a new blog where I take pictures every day, showing how many ribs stick out of my chest in order to shame myself into getting down to my goal weight: 21lbs. ((yes, that is correct, I want to weigh less than my bike)))

So yeah, I finally managed to get to my office, start thinking about being productive (who really wants to outline the diagnostical differences between simple D.O.M.S. and full blown rhabdomyolysis anyway???) but all I could think about was mountain biking.

And well, since I'm supposed to be here in my office, and not off rolling around in the dirt, I just thought I'd write about mountain biking, since I told myself I'm not allowed to go until at least 10 o'clock this morning.... (only 37 more minutes to kill)

Here is a picture of me this weekend. The weather was perfect, the trail was great, and we all got to go race some bicycles, "yeah, baby"

OK, I can't wait anymore...I'm out of here. Its sunny outside.