Monday, April 26, 2010
So this weekend I was out riding my bike. (I know, imagine that)
As I rode I discovered these sweet new switch backs above the Bonneville Shoreline trail north of Dry Canyon. They were quite fun. As I rode I noticed something rather odd:
Alongside the trail there were several magical elves with tiny hoes, shovels, and picks working on the trail!
I'll admit, I was a little weirded out at first. I mean when's the last time anybody even saw a real live elf, other than on the package of those sweet little EL Fudge Keebler Elf cookies? (And those are merely an artist's depiction of how they might look)
So yeah, it was weird. After a while I even noticed they were repairing the trail behind me, filling in skid marks and brake ruts left behind by my careless riding style. I was absolutely amazed. When I finished the little loop I decided to find out a little more.
Fortunately, for my arts and letters credit at the Brigham Young Institute of College Education and Higher Learning and Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too I took an Elf language class.
(Elves don't speak English. So if you wanted to, I don't know, prosecute one for illegally building trails, you'd need to find a certified translator. And most of them are Obama supporting democrats.)
So I asked one what they were doing. He said "Building sweet trails so everybody can come enjoy this beautiful scenery while getting healthy exercise"
I was amazed at his answer. He continued, "Rising obesity is costing our country $344 Billion a year in health care related costs. If everyone in Utah county would just ride our trails once a day, they would burn 500 calories. They would lose a pound of fat a week, 50 in a year!"
I was dumbfounded. I then asked if they had a building permit to be digging up the grass, tearing down all the weeds and brush, and basically destroying an entire ecosystem of life. He said that no, they did not, but that some poor guy named Benny was getting all the wrap from the feds for building the trails.
I got mad and squashed him with my foot. His magical little hat and tiny little hoe are still stuck between the cleats on my Sidis. Little boogers.