Tuesday, October 28, 2008


I have been in school for too long.
Now I understand that is a very subjective statement. I am in the middle of the first semester of my 6th year of college. A lot of guys go to college for longer. Yeah, they're called doctors. And they go for 4 years, then 4 more, then a bunch of stuff like internships and residencies where they get to call themselves doctors, don't make as much as real doctors, but probably still more than I will after almost as much school.
No, despite the apparent tone of this post, I am not bitter. And no, that last comment was not completely saturated with enough sarcasm to sink the Titanic along with Jack, Rose and the whole crew.

The point of this is that I have been her too long. I understand that many people have been here for longer. I am not trying in any way to say I've been here longer than anybody else. Just that I, for myself, have definitely worn my brain out.

Its like those stupid round rocks you used to get when you were a kid that when you smashed them together, they would spark and make funny smelling smoke. They were awesome. But like all good things, eventually they wore out. My brain is like an expired sparky ball. Worn out. It has lost its capacity to memorize enzymatic reactions, lost its ability to focus on the clinical applications of beta mercaptoethanol and why the inhibition of cAMP causes a myriad of disorders in young female rats with hypo-crap-face-ism.

I realized this today as I went up to take a test in the BYU testing center.

I used to be a chipper fellow every time I went in there. Usually quite well versed on whatever pointless material I had spent hours memorizing. I even used to get comment on my test results screen such as "Congratulations", or "Nice Work" which I am assuming now to mean "Congratulations, you are one hell of a bubble filler-inner" and "Nice work with that no. 2 pencil, good job completely erasing all your changed answers"

But now, I am just bitter. Tonight, I walked up to the counter, handed over my card and asked for my test.
"Which class would you like?" the attendant asked politely.
"PDBio 565" I answered, maybe just a tad less than politely.
"Wow, that's a really high number" the attendant commented excitedly
"Yeah, it means I've been here too long" I replied a tad less than excitedly
He then asked to see my student ID. I showed it to him.
"Wow, this thing is really old" He said grinning
"Yeah, your mom is really old" I said, now very much grinning.

Ok, so I didn't comment on the poor fellow's mother's age, but I was tempted. After getting my test I snuck back to my usual seat in the far back and began filling in bubbles. Sometimes I would read part of the question before filling in a bubble, just so I could get a feel for just what exactly I was being tested on, but most of the time I just went with what felt right.

After the test, I started my walk back to my office. I was feeling pretty angry for being so stupid. Don't get me wrong, I don't think all stupid people should walk around angry, just the ones who used to be smart, but now are stupid. The ones who have always been stupid have no right to be angry about it.

Anyway, I am done ranting now. I'll try to post something funny sometime. I am a lot better at being funny than describing enzymatic reactions in the posterior adrenal cortex in ACTH deficient patients. Or at least hope so. Cause, man, I suck at the latter.


Amberlyn said...

I used to be smart too... Sometimes I wish I had always been stupid then I could be working at McDonalds trying to win monopoly instead of spending all my waking hours attempting to shove more medical facts into my already full brain

Unknown said...

ha ha ha classic! Don't worry, I don't have any of those enzymatic reaction things memorized either. And I've never gotten a good job with that no. 2 pencil surprise either.

Unknown said...

But I am pretty good at using html to italicize and bold and add flavor to my comments! :)

Kylee said...

Dan... come to elementary school.. the kids think you're a genius!! and who needs to know all that ridiculous stuff anyway... :)